There is various type of troubles in human relationships, especially in workplaces, business, couple, family, and friends. Even if you know each other for a long time, it does not mean you understand well each other. Back to basic, how do we understand others? Why some people can empathize others and others cannot? Let’s think about those difference and the importance for leadership.
Difference between sympathy and empathy
Sympathy involves understanding from your own perspective. Empathy is the ability to emotionally understand what other people feel, see things from their point of view, and imagine yourself in their position. What’s call, put yourself in someone’s shoes. Difference between sympathy and empathy is judgemental or not. Sympathy often involves a lot of judgement, however empathy has none. Recently, empathy is one of the key factors in emotional intelligence which is required for leadership.
Why people cannot empathize with others?
Each person has their own world. Various factors such as upbringing, memories and events in school days, position in work, passion and worries create the own unique world. Even if it is a lover, couple, parent, and child, you cannot understand their everything.
For example, your wife is exhausted with child-rearing, work, housework. Have you ever thrown away her long-running complaints? “It’s started again. Let’s run away quickly, I’m tired of work.” From wife’s point of view, it is a very hurtful words and attitude.
Why can’t we empathize? It is because they do not live in a common world mentally. We all have wish to be understood. However, we basically cannot understand others. Therefore, we should deal with individual worries/concern/issues by ourselves. However, we are not so strong, we are not perfect.
People are looking for empathetic person. To heal the heart, we enjoy chatting and drinking with others. This action is to share the common feeling with others. The more you have common points, the more you can understand that person. Then, we recognize ‘’He/She is an empathetic person for me.’’
Who can you empathize with?
Even if your family members live in the same house, you all are different and need some common things. For example, meal. Eating tasty food makes all family members happy. They share happiness by meal. Another example is, family culture. It shares the virtue with family members. In doctor’s family, family culture is certainly to help people. In designer family, the family culture might be to make people beautiful and confidence by clothes/products. In case of my family clan, it is justice and fairness.
Family activity such as ski and camp also can share wonderful feeling and experience with the members. And some family rules are important to manage them.
In the workplace, common thing is not only official same goal. Sometimes, people can feel empathy with others who are similar situation with you. For example, colleagues working under poor management, working for same enemy, working on weekend due to too much tasks. When you participate a meeting, someone support your opinion, or you have similar view point with him/her. You guys can feel empathy.
Why empathy is important?
Imagine, a mobile phone is here. To what extend is it important for you? Is that same as 80’s elderly people who did not need it in their life? For baby, mobile phone is valuable? Your most important thing is someone’s most useless thing. If you do not understand others, this gap will lead to big issue.
Our feelings are same as ancient people. When you hurt someone, they are damaged and will hate you, revenge you one day. Mankind history shows the negative cycle. Human being is emotional creature. Strong people forget what they did for weak people. Weak people never forget what strong people did for them. Therefore, we should try to understand other’s thought and feeling. This is important to protect yourself and your loved ones.
Empathy is one of the critical points in Emotional Intelligence, which is required for business leaders. Empathy tie people, establish trust and credibility, create great power in a team for the same goal.
How can we empathize more?
Find something in common with others, for example, Same hobbies, same status, similar background/experiences.
Today, you might be annoyed because your boss was angry with you. Did he point out your action or deny your character? If it was about your character, that’s harassment. But if it’s about your action, it’s feedback. Your boss is not perfect. If you are a boss, did you shout your member? Why did you say emotionally?
You may think that you cannot empathize with someone. But if you change your perspective a little, you may understand them more than now. Our world is small, as compared with infinite universe.
Conclusion
- Difference of sympathy and empathy: Sympathy is judgemental, sometimes. Empathy is not.
- Empathy is one of critical part of Emotional Intelligence which is required for a leadership as well.
- Find something in common with others for empathy.
Empathy is to feel in heart more than to think in your brain. Wonderful experiences, painful experiences, grief, regret, all your rich experiences are certainly helpful for empathy with other.
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