You have met the person who make people pleased in society including workplace. They are called “People pleaser”. They look cheerful, kind and accept anything nevertheless they don’t have time for. Nowadays, those people have been increasing and becoming serious social issue. What is a people pleaser? Let’s take a look about what they are, why it’s matters, and how to stop.
What is a people pleaser?
First of all, people-pleasing behavior is different from traits such as kindness and generosity. While people can make a balanced and intentional choice to do favors for others, an individual with people-pleasing tendencies find it hard to say ‘’No’’. They may agree to things that they do not want or not able to do.
People pleaser is not a medical term. Generally, it describes a person who consistently strives to please others, often sacrificing their own demands or needs in the process. Most people want to feel loved and valued, especially in close relationships. This is typical feeling, as human being want to belong some. As a result, many people occasionally adapt their behavior to make social interactions smoother.
The desire to help others, is another common trait in humans. Sometimes, this might involve an element of self-sacrifice, such as giving money, time, or energy. What distinguishes these behaviors from people-pleasing is that the latter is difficult to stop. A person with a strong urge to please may feel they need to be whatever others want them to be.
A person may feel temporarily good after they please someone, however this feeling does not last. They may need to continue doing things for others to feel useful or loved. Eventually, this harms them since they have fewer resources to take care of themselves.
Signs/personality of people pleaser
People-pleaser have below tendencies,
- Hard to say ‘No’ to requests
- Regularly take on extra work, even if they do not have the time
- Overcommit to plans and responsibilities
- Avoid supporting for their own needs: such as by saying they are fine when they are not
- Avoid disagreeing with people
- Pressure to be friendly, nice, or cheerful at all times
- Anxious about standing up for themselves
Causes of people-pleasing
Some of the factors that might lead to people-pleasing may include below:
Low self-esteem:
People who feel they are worth less than others may feel that their needs are unimportant. They may feel that they have no value if they cannot help others.
Anxiety
Some people may attempt to please others because they feel anxious about fitting in, rejection, or causing offense. For example, a person with social anxiety may feel they must do whatever their friends want.
Conflict avoidance
People who are afraid of conflict or feel they must avoid it, may use people-pleasing as a way to prevent disagreements.
Culture and socialization
The culture of country and family may influence how they view their duty toward others and themselves. Some may learn that total selflessness is a virtue.
Personality disorders
Personality disorders are long-term mental health conditions. For example, dependent personality disorder causes a person to feel very dependent on others for help and approval in many facets of life. They may need others’ opinions to make decisions.
Trauma
It involves trying to gain the affection and admiration of those they fear as a means of survival.
Risks of people-pleasing
People pleasing can cause negative impact on their health.
Stress: Ignoring one’s true wants or needs can make a person stressed or anxious.
Tiredness: Taking on too much cheerful to others can be mentally or physically tiring.
Neglect: They may neglect aspects of their own self-care. This could include personal mental or physical health, or career.
Resentment: People pleaser may grow to anger at their roles.
Relationship problems: They may lose true important people due to wrong priority in their life.
Loss of identity: They may become less aware of what they want or how they feel.
Harm to others: They may cause a person to prioritize feeling liked over the well-being of others. For example, a person might engage in harmful gossip to fit in.
How to stop people-pleasing
Some short-term tactics may help to stop people-pleasing behavior.
Stalling: When someone makes a request, try to take time to think about it rather than answering immediately.
Setting time limits: When saying yes with time limit or deadline.
Practice to say “no”
Breaking the habit of people-pleasing can be difficult, so even if a person does not have a mental health diagnosis, they may be good to get some support from a therapist or coach.
Set boundaries: with family, friends, or coworkers
Summary
People pleaser looks cheerful and good impression at the beginning. However, it’s getting to show the problems in business and workplace. They believe that the behavior is good and are not aware of the problems. They are also frustrated to other employees who don’t accept their request and spread harmful gossip internally to fit in their frustration. In business, they accept all request from the customers and bring problems to the company. This is not their skill matter, but individual mental issue. If you have those kind of employee, it might be good to advice nicely to take counselling or to discuss about the role direction in the workplace.
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